I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
