First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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