hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
