how can u be prego again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize