I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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