What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
