I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
