I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
