Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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