You made me cry and you don't even care
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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