dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
