I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
