??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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