She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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