No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
