i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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