So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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