Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
