Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
