3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
