the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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