This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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