Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
