I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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