Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i already hear my dad disowning me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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