People with herpes should wear stickers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
