WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize