My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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