I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
