just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
