I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
