So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
