I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
