1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
