are you still at the devil's house?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
