Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
