I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
