can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
