If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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