I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
