I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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