Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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