So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
