Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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