So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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