Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
