JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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