i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
