OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will die if light touches me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
