if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
