Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize