The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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