Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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