I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
