I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
