Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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