I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
