Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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