ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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