My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
