dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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