I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
