Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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