Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
smell my finger.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
