I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is Oprah even human
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
