You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think a kid would responsible me up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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