drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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