I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
